I’m hungry ……..

I am always hungry ………..

I have elevated levels of insulin, I know this from a blood test I had a while back.  Among other things, it means that my appetite is stimulated.  Its the reason why people with insulin resistance gain weight.

However, I have a bit of left over gall bladder, with a stone in it, along with stones in my bile ducts.  This means that too much food over the course of the day, or even a big meal ….. leaves me in a world of pain.  Of course that also means that fatty foods, high carb foods, and protein heavy meals are out of the question too.  All food causes some level of nausea and pain, but eating no-go foods causes intense pain.  Pain means codeine … and codeine messes with my already messed up digestion system.

And here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush……..

And so I am hungry ….. I never let myself eat enough to feel full, to feel satisfied.  Every hunger grumble is met with an internal discussion ….. if I eat something now, what will I forgo later to balance things out.  Will I eat anyway, and damn the pain?

This is getting me down…. big time.  This, combined with my constant dreams about dying … I can feel myself dipping my toes into depression.  I am so tired, and lethargic ……… and hungry.